mindwanderings | the weblog of som benegal

Soon reaching my 88^th birthday, I realise that it has been a long journey through life.  No doubt it has had high moments of considerable achievements in various fields which seemed beyond credibility, but there were also low points of physical and mental pains sustained over many longer years than imaginable but met with fortitude and understanding.

Now, at this moment, I realise that I have become a traveler with an uncertain tether in search of the lost horizon of an improbable Shangri-la!

With the years gone by, friends and comrades and beloved relations in my life have disappeared from view, one by one and left only fast-fading memories of bygone joys to make me say, “Memory, hold the door!”

Without making a melodrama I may say I have grown old and weary with the world changed beyond recognition in its attitudes, values and aspirations.  That, I admit, has to be, but I feel out of place, like the last knight of King Arthur’s Round Table who told his dying king, that he was lost “among new men, strange faces, other minds.”  This is not self-pity but an acceptance of reality as it should be.  The world turns and the world changes toward what end, I do not know.  Some live in eternal hope for the better, others with the certainty of doom; I only remain in unceasing astonishment of the origins of the marvel of creation and the mystery of life and its wonder of the mind-boggling structure from infinitesimal microscopic dot-like creatures with abilities of apparently seeing, sensing, foraging, digesting, excreting, having aero-dynamic wing-structures capable of flying to escape and travel!  And, of course, we have also had gigantic creatures dwarfing man.

To what purpose and to what end, I do not know, this seemingly ceaseless procession of life, but I do know and see that knowledge, more and more beyond belief brings us no nearer to wisdom and happiness.  Our ancient scriptures tell us “it is important to know, but more important is it to know what to do with what you know.”

After a long multi-layered life, perhaps not an eminent, distinguished, powerful life, but given to much concern and contemplation of the ways of life in times past, present and the beckoning future I must admit to a sense of disillusionment and blighted hope at the sustained spectacle of mankind’s stubborn inability to live in peace, and instead to engage in incessant combat and wars for one reason or unreason, the scale of which have reached monstrous proportions that could exterminate all living things.  Perhaps this is an exaggeration for surely mankind was not created by whatever motivation with inborn compulsions ingrained in it for brainless self-liquidation.

So, there it is – Is the whole thing a mystery, or a riddle or an enigma?  Or is it as the Rig-Veda says, at the mandala X-129-7, which I have dared to transcreate without serious challenge from scholars:

“From where into being was Creation brought,
Does the One uphold it or does He not?
That Helmsman on high, He along knows,
And even He may not know how it all goes.”

From this I turn my disillusionment into consolation that for whatever reason, the mystery of creation, life and death, the boundless universe, the cosmos beyond imagination was created not by an indeterminate fickle chance but by a divinity (call it by any name) that shapes our ends which we try to explain by rational argument and scientific logic and demonstration but in vain.  Perhaps, it is as it is and should be.  An indisputable answer would rob us of the stimulus of unremitting search and discovery and the romance and thrill of seeming to grasp the truth, only to find it beyond our reach, not to dispirit us but to continue with unending endeavour with calm of mind and alluring bliss.

Having unburdened myself I now know that one must go through life without regret or anger, nor with any other emotion than acceptance of life and fellowship meeting injury not with revenge but with understanding and compassion, not ever to forget that I will not visit upon others what I have suffered from them and humanity itself.  Otherwise it would go against all the precepts I have learnt from my wise teachers, and the wisdom enjoined upon us from our scriptures dating back to times immemorial.

When I’m gone, if I am remembered at all, let it be said, “When he knew he said so, that was his conceit; when he did not know he said so, that was his humility.”

Tamam Shud – Clean & Complete

The certainty of the weather man is well-known and consequently as uncertain as the weather itself. The vagueness of the meteorologist is as vague as the astrologist. When the meteorologist says it is likely to be overcast and rainy in some area, you can be sure it will be clear and sunny. And vice-verse. Like when the astrologist says don’t be surprised to run into a romantic fling, you can be sure to be surprised to run into an unromantic sting. Both meteorologist and astrologist look at the heavens to seek the inspiration for their predictions. Or they look into their mumbo-jumbo books to arrive at their forecasts. But have you noticed that they are both never specific? It is always either/or and never neither/nor. That is their uncertain certainty or their certain uncertainty.

The met man warns of a tsunami and everyone runs for cover after one bad experience when they were not warned and are fortunate to be alive. But now there’s no tsunami, only a calm, gentle, undulating ocean. And everyone feels foolish. Or when an earthquake is predicted, and there’s not even a shake or tremor. Or a volcano does not ever rumble except when you are assured it is dormant or extinct and suddenly it erupts spewing fire and brimstone and lava running all over overwhelming people. Not for me to tell you how often you are told that the end of the world has come, and you wake up next morning to the twitter of birds and you know, as the poet Browning said, “God’s in his heaven and all’s right with the world.”

Recently, we were told in a blazing headline “Met Predicts Wet Diwali.” Next day Diwali was dry and sunny and everyone had a happy noisy time.

As far as I know there was one absolutely trustworthy forecaster. She was one of Adolph Hitler’s Secretaries – Miss Heidi Durchsichtigkeit (meaning Heidi Seethroughness, or transparent). Every morning Hitler would ask, “Heidi, how is the weather going to be today?” And Heidi would look out of the window, inspect the sky and say, “Mein Führer, it may rain; on the other hand, it may not rain”. And everyone said, “Heidi is always right!”.

“To be or not to be: that is the question” as Hamlet said in Shakespeare’s time. But in our times the question is “to be or not to be the Prime Minister.” The question has become crucial if not crucifying. Now that Manmohan Singh has been declared (never mind by whom) to be the weakest Indian Prime Minister, we need one who is not “like a weasel” but “very like a whale”. But who should this whale be? There are many who openly believe they are the “consummation devoutly to be wished” but are coy about expressing their desire. Atalji is one such. He speaks in riddles and enigmas. But Advaniji, the shadow Prime Minister does not believe in waiting in the shadows. Narendra Modi hotly denies he wants to be the Prime but cooly hints that if he is called upon, who is he to deny the nation’s wishes. And Rajnath Singh? Oooh! oooh!

In fact, the nation’s wishes are all that all of them want to respect. These wishes cannot be clearly defined – elections are of no use, they are ill-defined, subject to the whims of the moment. But divine revelations reveal the answer. Sushma Swaraj has convinced herself that she is it, or maybe she is she. Mayawati has made no bones about her suitability. Jayalalithaa may not say it but her silence is eloquent. Mamata is least silent and most eloquent.

On the Congress side, after Soniaji magnanimously stepped aside, all feminine hearts beat faster but in vain, even Renuka Chaudhury could only end up with a hearty laugh. It was “love’s labour lost.”

As far as the Left is concerned, everyone knows that, as usual, a “classic blunder” was made when Jyoti Basu was not allowed to become the Prime Minister. But now not even Brinda Karat can dream to be one. “Aye, there’s the rub.”

In essence then, the whole situation about impending elections and a Prime Minister is “much ado about nothing.” On “measure for measure,” it is “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

So is it all a “Tempest” or just a “Midsummer Night’s Dream” and will it be “All Well that Ends Well”? Take it “As You Like It.”

Good old Shakespeare, he has an answer to everything!

The Communist movement in India is a strange animal which defies description. Made of uncountable parts each claiming adherence to various leaders of the movement from Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao-Tse-Tung, Trotsky – you name them and you’ll find some adherents. In the ideological cacophony it is doubtful if any sane person would be able to make any sense of what is going on. But one thing has distinguished the Indian Communist movement – it has had the impressive ability to snatch defeat out of victory. And yet the Communists, if one can call them that, have had amongst them some of the finest leaders and intellectuals, the most dedicated of workers, selfless to the last – but all wasted or banished.

Today, the Communists, ununderstandably called the Left have shown themselves to be a motley, confused lot, unable to articulate what they want. All they appear to be is to be willing to wound but afraid to strike. Therefore in the process the country could be heading towards a helpless drift into a farcical situation, and therefore a dangerous situation.

It is in this context we have to note Congress President Sonia Gandhi’s forthright, unambiguous statement but without any threat. Actually, it is not only about the India-USA Nuclear Deal which in its tortuous way has confused everyone with its technicalities and political legalities but various other aspects of our political, social, economic, security, defence and inter-related factors, which deal with development, prosperity and peace, which have been brought sharply into focus at this critical moment in our history. In this process the sheer opportunism of the elements which constitute our national life have also regrettably been exposed. No surprise then that not only Sonia Gandhi but the Prime Minister and many others known for their mildness have been provoked into unsuspected belligerent plain talk.

If the format and matrix of our national and political life has to be re-aligned in a free democratic way, in short, through elections, then let it be so. But the present farce cannot go on.

The earlier posts will be back once our move and new design is complete.
Please bear with us until then.